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I’ve thankfully been in a relationship for over two years now – I say thankfully, because it’s tough out there (well, that and I’m very much in love with my boyfriend!) The more I talk to my friends, the more I realize that men have no idea how to talk to fat girls.

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Forget everyone else for a moment and truly focus on yourself. Like a typical elementary-age child, I never worked up the courage to tell him my feelings.

Loving yourself is the first step to finding somebody else to love you. I imagined myself walking up to him and telling him how I felt, though I never turned those dreams into reality. I had a handful of crushes in the past, but I was going to encounter a beast I had no clue how to handle: a potential crush on .

Different fat girls have different experiences, but we’ve all experienced a lifetime of discrimination. Be aware that there’s a whole system of oppression working against her, and it’s hard sometimes. ) Understand that some things are a little tougher for us. Fat isn’t a bad thing to be, and both of you need to realize that.

We can’t go into any old store in the mall and find an outfit. Your mileage may vary on any of these points, of course.

I rationalized that he talked to me because he enjoyed poking fun at me.

I couldn’t understand why dating an overweight girl like me would interest anybody.

I’ve seen so many opening lines, especially on dating sites, along the lines of Here’s the thing. You probably think that it’ll make fat girls more likely to contact you first, but honestly it’s hurting your cause more than anything. *(Note, saying things like ‘real women have curves’, ‘only dogs like bones’, ‘skinny girls are gross’ are horrible things to say. We’re real people with real personalities and feelings. Again, can’t speak for all fat girls, but lots of us have had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to dating.

It makes you sound like all you care about is our bodies, that’s the most important part to you. So during a first conversation, again, you don’t have to qualify why you’re talking to her. You are more than welcome to have your preferences, but putting down other body types or other people’s preferences is NOT okay. Men who’ll talk the good talk but won’t be seen with us in public, men who’ll have sex with us but make fun of fat girls to their friends, men who think we’re ‘desperate’ and ‘easy’ and just a quick lay. If you don’t think there are guys out there who like fat girls, you are so wrong.

This is loosely based on my own experiences as well as the experiences and suggestions of many girls I’ve talked to. Look, as much as I’m a body positivity advocate, as much as I call myself fat, as much as I realize that attraction is important and some people are attracted to fat bodies (which is totally cool! As fat girls, we spend a lot of our lives being treated differently–and it’s usually not in a good way. We’re just looking for you to get it and not do more of the same!

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