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Sometimes, he’d ask me first — something I found thrilling.
How cool and mature was it that we were talking about this? But, of course, the same things that happened with every other man I’ve dated would happen with these men, too.
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I’d convince myself that I had done something awful to make them not want a relationship with me.
I blamed myself for the entire situation, and would go over our meetings in my mind for hours. I was blissful for a few months — until two of my cousins’ impending weddings starting rearing their heads, and my anxiety about going to yet another family wedding alone beat out my cynicism over the men I’d been dating.
, I provided 21 subtle signs of an emotionally unavailable man.
I was overwhelmed with the responses from men, saying that many, if not all, of the signs resonated with them.
(Which, well, is what he turned into — mission accomplished, dude.) In short, I didn’t want a relationship with this guy. If I were using the logic I was forcing on the men who had flaked or ghosted, I should want a relationship with this guy because I wanted a relationship, period.
But just because somebody wants a relationship doesn’t mean they’re going to shack up with the first human who also wants a relationship. That’s not how it works..” It’s like having someone say “I want cake,” and then you hand them over a coconut cake.
Those two things should be treated the same way — as important dealbreakers, but not necessarily indicators of what’s to come. After being raised on a steady diet of Disney movies, I expected to meet someone and fall passionately in love — but wound up collapsing under the pressures of modern dating.
This realization has made it so much easier for me to get to know men, because I’ve re-prioritized the other qualities on my list so they’re just important as wanting a relationship. Luckily, I eventually realized that there's no "right" way to date, and that I need to find happiness within myself, no partner needed.
I ripped a page out of one of the many Moleskins I hoarded at the beginning of my journalism career and made two columns of qualities.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating